Three Letter Words

March 14, 2008 Christina V. Mills When I was a child in the early ‘90s, it seemed as though there were an unlimited number of forbidden four-letter words.  We all knew them, but no one dared repeat. But it seems that now that my forbidden four-letter words are now said on cable television and radio, they have been replaced with new three-letter words that kids dare not repeat: Words like STD and HPV – or even HIV. Somehow we have created a disconnect between adults, who scream these words from rooftops, and young adults, whose ears are plugged with white iPod headphones. Sadly the effects of this disconnect is becoming all too apparent with recent news of one in four teenage girls having an STD.  Even scarier is that for African American teenage girls, this statistic is about one in two.   It seems that the excess of HPV commercials about being “One Less” have fallen onto deaf ears.  And the few who listen seem to say, “It will never happen to me.”  This mentality is precisely why young adults have one of the highest rates of being uninsured.   This all brings about the question of what to do about it.  Just about every type of prevention has received its share of criticism.  Those proponents of abstinence have been criticized for not teaching teens what to do if they do have sex.  Likewise, proponents of sexual education have been criticized for not stressing the benefits of waiting to have sex.  However, the greatest power in a teen’s life is hardly a teacher.  Considering the rate at which many teens skip school, it would not be surprising if they skipped their sexual education classes altogether.   Alhough they may swear up and down that this is not true (I did), teens crave attention and advice from their parents.  Being a teenager is an immensely scary time, during which everything is changing.  Even though teens are most comfortable asking their friends for advice, they know that their friends know little more than they do.  And asking an equally clueless friend for advice only reinforces a teen's frustration and fear. It seems to me that the parents would make the greatest difference in their teen’s sexual health.  And quite honestly, these conversations (including the three-letter words) really need to be done even before they become teens – before sexual experimentation begins. It is much more difficult for a teen to ignore a caring parent looking her in the eyes than a passing television commercial or an annoying teacher as they sit in the back passing notes. While she’ll squirm and say she doesn’t care, she will take your words to heart, especially if they are reinforced through more than one positive and non-threatening conversation.   And as the debate between abstinence and safe sex rages on, regardless of what side you are on, you will have had your say with your teen before anyone else has gotten to her.